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Inner Beauty
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Designer: celestegrover Tags: DSD07 |
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Description Just some feelings I've been having for a while...really needed to express them - sorry it's so personal, but hey - that's what scrapbooking is for, right? Journaling Reads: When I think about my life this past year, my heart is full of emotion and complete surrender. I have been up, I have been down, and I have just been. I’ve watched myself overcome some obstacles, and I’ve watched myself wallow in self-pity and grief. I think most importantly, I have found a self that I never knew was there. I have found a self that is angry, bitter and hurtful. Those were times I am not proud of. I have worked through some pretty tough issues that have been hidden beneath the surface for years. After being diagnosed with post-partum depression, I battled the decision to take medication, to stay on medication and on some days, whether or not to stay alive on this earth. Suicide was a daily thought for me. After agreeing to take medication, I quickly pursued the idea of getting a therapist. Michelle Dye was one of my only saving graces during this time. She brought up some very rough subjects and forced me to see me for who I am and who I can be. She stirred up emotions that I didn’t even know existed in myself. She took me through the darkest of all places and in it all, I certainly found a beautiful light. That beautiful light I saw was in radiating from me. After hours in a room a Michelle, I came to see the other side of me. A side that is beautiful, kind, loving, giving, creative, fun, happy and thoughtful. I learned so much about who I really am. About the good things that I offer this world. About the happiness I feel when I allow myself to break free and just be who I am. About the way I can feel certain emotions and allow myself to really feel them, and not to ignore them or to think that I am undeserving. In turn for all the hurt that I have felt this year, I have improved relationships that I thought were beyond saving. I have come to learn that I am allowed to see myself as a beautiful person completely undefined by how I look, what I wear, or who I associate myself with. I am grateful for a year of struggle. I am grateful for the pain I felt. I am also very grateful for my faith and trust in the Lord and his Son Jesus Christ. It is the pure love of Christ that I found deep in myself. His true love for me as one of his own carried me through many a dark hour. I am grateful for a loving family and especially a loving mother who her put her own hurt and pain on the side to make sure that I knew of her love for me. I am so grateful for the light of my children. Their sweet sprits carried me through the darkest of days. Their radiant smiles reassured me on a daily basis that I was needed in their lives that the Lord had bigger and better things planned for other then sadness. This year, I can truly say that I have found myself. The self that I am, the self that I want to be, and the self that others need me to be. When I look in the mirror on a daily basis, I no longer see just a shell of person. I see beauty, I see light, I see happiness, and I see hope. Had it not been such a year for me, I doubt that I would ever learn that inner beauty is the most stunning of all. |
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| Lynn Grieveson, at 08:13PM on Thursday November 29, 2007 |
This is so powerful. Thanks so much for sharing, I think it is amazing. And you are right - that is what scrapbooking is about! Glad to hear that you have achieved so much through your tough year.
| Jesse77, at 09:22AM on Friday November 30, 2007 |
I agree, this is POWERFUL, The last year has definitely been a roller coaster for me as well. I find scrapbooking therapeutic, and I think this is a wonderful way to reflect on a tough year. It is important to scrapbook these times in our life that my be difficult not just the"happy" ones. This is fantastic! thanks for sharing :)
| emilyrice, at 05:28PM on Friday November 30, 2007 |
I could relate with everything you've said, so much that I wonder if we could be struggling with the same battles. Well put, and you sound strong! This gives me courage to journal more realistically. Great job, I'm impressed!
| celestegrover, at 12:00AM on Saturday December 01, 2007 |
Emilyrice -
Seriously--this was so theraputic for me to write...you should really write it out...even if you don't post it, it feels SOOO good!
| BeachScraper, at 08:13AM on Monday December 03, 2007 |
Very nice...I look at the picture of you and see truly a happy person...I think we all have struggled at some point in life, some harder than others...it does make you a stronger person. Very inspiring. I have always scraped the bad and good, it makes you remember what made you who you are.
| Bryanmn, at 12:53AM on Wednesday January 16, 2008 |
Thank you for sharing your personal struggle and growth. I stopped scrapbooking for a while because everything in the scrapbooks stores were about happy, lucky things happening to people and life isn't always like that. Like you, I have come to embrace the difficult and share it in my albums. Continue to enjoy your Journey